Give me boots & boys !

Excuse me but I just fall in love with Ke$ha, yeah I know, I should feel ashamed for discoverin’ her so late and for loving her commercial music. I didn’t like her music when I heard it at the first time, but when I watched this video, I was hypnotized and obsessed by her !

Maybe she’s insane and I think that our spirits are half insane/wild and half good/wise and when I listen to her I totally feel that I’m on the first side ! and I don’t feel that it’s a bad thing, I totally enjoy it ! I feel like I could dance on this music forever and I really can’t get enough and it’s great ! Yesterday night I danced on this music almost naked while it was cold out there and in my bedroom but I danced so much that I was too hot ! and I didn’t feel this good since a veeeryyy looong tiiiime !!! really !!!

When I watch this video I feel like Ke$ha and I have a lot in common :

  1. we’re both women with a wild animal inside of us, you can see it in our eyes if you look at them at the right moment… 00.24
  2. She does bad things when she’s drunk at night even if she knows that she will regret it in the morning, while I do bad things when I’m totally sober even if I know that I will regret it later, but I do them because I know that I will feel good at the moment and sometimes have so much fun, no matter how much it will coast me…
  3. I feel like I’m a freak and I think that I know a lot of freaks, I love freaks. I love freaks only.
  4. There’s a hole in my world and it’s free for all ! people turn me on when they take it off and open their worlds !
  5. I love the mix between the evil side of the song (dark night, wild animals…) and the colors in the video, the good mood and the glitter on the floor ! This is really how my world looks like !
  6. Lose your mind, lose it now… I keep askin’ that, inside of me.

 

L'oeil unique de l'anté-christ dont Satan prépare l'arrivée...

 

Well, this was my personal interpretation of the song. Now here is the real meaning of these lyrics, they are lyrics of the devil :

  1. There is a place downtown (the hell is known to be underground) where the freaks all come around (the freaks mean the devils, and this is where they are, in hell, downtown…)
  2. it’s a hole in the wall (I’m sure it has it’s explanation, but I can’t tell…), it’s a dirty free for all (the devil is attracted by the dirt, and we keep hearing this word these days, « dirty » is used in many expressions which are related to sex, whores, and many very bad things... etc. and it says it’s a dirty free for all, the devil is inviting people to join him in hell and he keep saying that it’s free for all, since a veeeeery loooooong tiiiiiiime)
  3. when the dark of the night comes around, that’s the time that the animal comes alive looking for something wild (the devils are much more present at night than in the morning or in the afternoon, so here the devil says that when the night comes around, that’s the time that the devils comes alive looking for something wild, which I guess means that the devil is looking for the wild side in everyone of us, and this is why it’s at night when there is most dirty sex, people get drunk, girls get raped, people let the devil in them get alive more easily…)
  4. and they turn me on when they take it off (the devil feels strong when people take off their clothes, and when they lose their mind !!!)
  5. Everybody take it off, take it off, take it off (the evils keeps asking that, and he repeats it a lot, so you will take it off without even thinking about it !!!)
  6. There’s a place I know if you’re looking for a show, where they go hardcore and there’s glitter on the floor (I think that it’s obvious, it represents very well all the places and the businesses where people go hardcore but the devil puts a lot of glitter on the floor so it will look very shiny and very attractive and beautiful, so people will love it, get addicted to it, and think it’s beautiful… such as fashion, hollywood world, friends fuck… etc.)
  7. Lose your mind, lose it now, lose your clothes, in the crowd, we’re delirious, tear it down till the sun comes back around (the devil asks us to lose our mind, and to lose it now, the devil is giving us orders, he asks us to lose our clothes, to be delirious… till the sun comes back around.)

 

Toujours le symbole de Satan présent partout...

 

And suddenly I see things more clearly, God is with us in the morning and in the afternoon, He keeps the devils away from us, and when the night comes the devils are more many and this is why Allah asks us to spend the night praying as much as we can… There is no stronger way to fight them !!!!!!

 

But everything will disappear in the end and only ALLAH will last forever !

 

I have already said it before, but I will repeat it WE ARE IN WAR, this is THE war we’re living everyday, every time, I will repeat it ’cause the devil keeps repeating his messages without never getting tired or giving up, so there is no reason for us « the believers » to give up !

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Let me take you high high

Life is beautiful

I knew I was over it, but I didn’t expect to be THAT over it ! This afternoon I experienced something new, well, I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean, but I did it and I liked it. I don’t know what I am actually, or maybe I do. I’m weirder than I thought… and I think I like it !

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May I never lose my innocence or become stupid

Life

Music : Making me clean by Esther O\’Connor (featuring Sam West)

I’m usually attracted by the complicated guys, I guess I feel useful with them, and I like them because they are more sensitive than the other men and they are very smart.

I love the autistic children and I would love to work in an association of autism.

This is in theory, but in real life it’s more complicated, of course. And when I want something so much, it’s always a mess, specially if I’m too happy and excited, I always do it the wrong way.

Few years ago, I would have felt guilty, but not anymore (thank God, I’ve learned something from my life !). I’m just learning how to deal with these kind of people, how to keep a certain distance toward some misunderstood situations. I think that we shouldn’t get too involved with them, or you’ll lose your nerve very quickly.

After my last experience, I also learned that people are just people… I mean, the guys I fall in love with, are just like any human being, they are not that special, or that perfect… I used to be so blind when I liked someone  but this won’t happen anymore.

I finally understand the wisedom of my last relationship ! And I’m not angry anymore, I get it !!! BIG SMIIIIILE of great satisfaction and peace of mind !

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The lost of innocence… maybe tomorrow !

I was checkin’ my facebook homepage (again!) and I read « Your goal in life can’t be « to retire » » written by Paulo Coelho. I’m not a particular fan but he says some wise things pretty often. And then I thought this is a sign ! Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s time to start thinking before doing, ’cause I usually do and then think… yeah, it’s not really useful most of the time.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a contact on facebook (ya, I’m kind of facebooking all the time) and we talked about the reason and the feelings, he said that we should use only our reason if we want to see things clearly, while I said that it is impossible to separate reason from feelings when we’re thinking or speaking or anything. Man is made of emotions and they influence us all the time, they influence our thoughts, they influence our faiths and our decisions, I mean our feelings are who we are right ? What’s a man without feelings ? Anything but a man, in my opinion ! Reason and feelings are both necessary in every situation.

Good, now I have a problem ! I am not able to make a decision ’cause my reason and my feelings can’t find a compromise ! I’ve always used to follow my feelings automatically, without thinking, I used to follow my heart and I’ve always thought that it was good, that it was the right thing to do (thank you hollywood)… but I have to admit that life taught me some kind of different lessons like I shouldn’t follow my heart blindly. Actually I can see now that I was acting like a bird who jumps from the tree for the first time, thinking that it would fly « naturally » and everytime the bird falls down and gets hurt. Now, I feel like I’m starting to find the balance in my flight. It’s also like when I’m trying to find balance in some postures in Bikram Yoga’s lessons, the first time I tried to make difficult moves from the first try and the result was that I couldn’t finish all the 90 minutes of the first lesson, then I learned to do it step by step, and guess what, it worked ! I was able to make some moves I wasn’t able to do some days ago, it was great !

So, now I think that I will stop following my heart blindly and learn how to follow my heart with my eyes wide open. I will stop dreaming so artlessly, well I will maybe do it sometimes secretly haha ! Seriously, it’s time to grow up girl ! There is nothing to be afraid of I promise, you will feel better if you take your time to do it in the right way.

OK, so you’re not talking to that boy ! haha it’s always about a man or a woman or God, and tonight I think that these three « things » only matters, and friends of course, and family and children. David Icke says « Love is the only truth, everything else is illusion », I love to believe him most of the time.

Few minutes later…

I talked to him. I’m not ready for all this blabla yet ! Well, I was worried ! Still naïve huh ? I’ll do my best next time, I guess ! Right ?

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I love my Sunday

I’m spending my sunday with great music, the last album of KT Tunstall ‘Tiger Suit » is awesome, every song is just great ! I’d like to see her live.

And now, thanks to Twitter, I just discovered another great artist, Esther O’Connor, I’m falling in love with this video and this song…

P.S : I think that my yesterday’s sensitivity was also related to the full moon.

I wish if everyday was a sunday, I know that a lot of people don’t like sunday, they feel bored, well, I don’t ! It’s the best day of the week for me, everything is calm and I spend the whole time with myself and it’s never enough !

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The good life

After you die nothing you ever owned matters, and everything you ever did does. You can't sell what you did to your family at a garage sale.

This is a really sad movie, if I didn’t like Zooey Deschanel that much, I wouldn’t have beared all this pain….

I’m experiencing a new feeling, I feel in love with all the people in the planet Earth. I don’t know why or what it is, I suppose it’s the movie effect. It’s a mix of love and pain and sadness, I can feel a pain in my stomach and in my back…

I’m almost crying because of the good end.

« But it’s not pain. It’s laughing with your friend at a time when you shouldn’t. It’s the sweat in your palms wanting to know someone you see and the pit in your stomach when they actually see you. It’s being touched by hands that aren’t your own. It’s the thrill of an escape that almost wasn’t. It’s the embarrassment you feel, naked for the first time. It’s helping a friend find something they lost. It’s a smile, a joke, a song. It’s what someone does that they like doing. It’s what someone does that they like remembering. It’s the thinking of things you may never do and the doing of things you may never have thought. It’s the road ahead and the road behind. It’s the first step and the last and every one in between, because they all make up the good life. »

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Whatever happens

The Social Network

It could sound foolish but the beat of my heart goes faster when I read in a facebook application « he loves you! » Yeah, that’s really stupid ! I fall in love really quickly, so I don’t think it’s love. I don’t know… I fall in love quickly and when it happens I really don’t like what I become. I express my emotions too much to the one I love and this makes him run away or treat me like a piece of shit. So, I don’t know what to do and maybe I don’t know what love is. Whatever.

I don’t know what’s going on with people these days, I feel like everyone is staring at me in the streets, and to prove that this is not just my imagination, yesterday night I was a victim of a physical sexual harassment… I feel like people are insane in this country, men are so obsessed with sex… I can’t help it, it makes me lose my nerve when I think about it !

Today, I watched The social network, I loved Jesse Eisenberg, he’s really a cool actor, he was perfect. And I didn’t like Justin Timberlake, I don’t know why he looks like a loser, he reminds me of a looser cousin…

Today, I put some nail polish orange fluo and I like it a lot !

I don’t write long texts anymore, I don’t express my feelings and my ideas as much as I should, and as much as I used to do. I was more passionate than this. I don’t know, I’m tired. I’m tired since 2 years ago… that’s a long time ! I don’t know, maybe I felt like I’ve lost my best reader. 2 years later, I start analyzing myself, maybe it’s a post traumatic syndrome… Whatever.

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