Last night, we talked about death. She was speaking and I imagined every word she said, I felt like if I was in her funerals and this morning I’m still in the death mood.
It’s not the first time I think about death, but it was the first time I thought about our prophet’s death. And I felt so lonely for the first time, as a muslim. She said that everybody hurts when he dies, and even our prophet suffered a lot while he was dying… then, I imagined people who were sitting next to him when he was dying, I imagined myself one of them, I imagined when his soul left his body, and I felt so alone, the world was so empty suddenly. He was the last messenger from God, now we have to be stronger.
When I was sixteen, I couldn’t understand people who love Allah and the prophet so much, after all I don’t know the prophet, I mean I don’t know this person, and few years later I even wondered if he really existed, so how could I love somebody I only hear of ??? I tried to love him and God by I couldn’t.
I only felt love for God one year ago and realized how blind and stupid I was, this love was the result of a long journey, but I was still enable to love our prophet, I don’t know him very well, so I started reading about him every time I found a text or a documentary about him. So I learned that he was The most peaceful man, he was the wisest, the most tolerant and the most humble man but I felt love for him only yesterday, alhamdulillah (thank God).
I’m listening to « Don’t believe in love » by Dido, and she says « If I don’t believe in love, nothing is good for me, if I don’t believe in love, nothing will last for me and nothing is real for me ». It’s kind of the same for me, but I guess we’re speaking of different love.